When i created this blog, one of the “C” themed categories i had in mind was “Chaos”. There isnt much in that section to date, but i do have plans for it. You see, i have two little boys who have been described as “Active”, “Spirited”, “Hyper”, “Outgoing” or “Freakin’ Crazy” as i like to put it simply. They are 15 months apart in age and i swear i might as well have had twins. I nearly checked myself into a loony bin when they were “2 under 2″.Everyone tells me that they will settle down once they are in school, and Nicholas starts nextyear so we’ll see if that rings true.

I started to keep a little diary of their antics so i could look back on it fondly when they are trying to tame their own kids (and laugh in their faces). So i plan on filling up the Chaos category with tales of their destruction and mayhem. Most of the time i was able to grab the camera and hot-foot it to the disaster site, so there is some pictoral evidence to reassure you that i dont make this stuff up! Heres a little taste from last year…

Kryptonite Wed Apr 09, 08

Son,
If you make it to your 18th birthday without me killing you it’ll be a miracle.

You were brilliant for the first two months, not even entertaining the throught of climbing up on the entertainment unit below the wall mounted Plasma. You didnt even drive your car along its shiny glassy surface (although you did try to rub juice into it)…

So why did you decide to clamber up there and drive your car on the screen of your Dad’s $5k Bravia all of a sudden? The screen is royally stuffed now, 3 nice big vertical lines of liquid crystal have leaked and ruined it.

LUCKY the Sony people have had an issue with faulty screens lately and are fixing it with no charge since its under warranty. Your father did some research and it would have cost us $2,500+ to fix.

Kid, you are kryptonite to TV’s. This is the 3rd one you have killed in as many years. Im off to research perspex screen guards now and you’ll just have to stare at the blank wall for the next 7 days while its being repaired… or unwind that 50m ball of string and run it all over the house, like youre doing right now…
*sigh*

The Butter Incident Mon Apr 21, 08

Im absorbed in Text Twirl when Alexander approaches me with one half of his body all wet. “Mess a the water” he says.

I enter the kitchen to see the bar fridge wide open. Enter the lounge to see water everywhere, on the lounge, floor and covering the kids. They have taken the water jug out and watered the furniture! Then i notice the yellow goop in their hair… wtf do we have thats gooey and yellow?

Then i see it… the upturned container on the floor, its contents smeared on the windows, floor, couch cushions and TV… BUTTER!!

The kids think this is the height of brilliance and are licking the butter off the TV screen declaring how YUMMY it is!

I stand there for a minute deciding how to tackle the mess. The kids are running through the butter clumps on the floor and smearing the goo everywhere. I decide to toss them outside and spray them with the high pressure hose.

Kidding, although the thought did cross my mind briefly…

Stripped and into a hot shower, i leave them to splash each other while i mop and wipe up the buttery mess, trying not to break my neck slipping over.
Are these the faces of remorse?

.. i think not…