Do you do the ‘thank-you’ wave when driving? You know when someone lets you in when youre trying to cut across 3 lanes of traffic? Or when lanes merge into one and you have to squeeze in? Do you do stick your hand up to acknowledge that someone is giving you a break. Twice this week I’ve hit the brakes so that someone can merge quickly and last night i had to reverse down my steep street, which has more curves than Monica Belluci, so that the car coming in the opposite direction could get through -and in both instances, no thank you wave to acknowledge that ive gone out of my way to accomodate them…

Rude.

Be nice and practice your thank-you wave, or you may find me waving at you with a single finger!

When you bent over to retrieve your $3.80 in change from the floor in front of Donut King, the dismal quality of your chosen garment revealed that you had also failed to make a sensible underwear choice and went for the Orange polka dotted knicker.

If they arent actual denim (i.e with a fly and beltloops and pockets), are made of a sub-standard polyester, become see through when stretched beyond their capacity and reveal a camel toe then my friend you need to know that TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS!!  GO HOME AND CHANGE!

Some days when youre feeling too sheepish to admit your follies,

Some days when you are too confused to admit you’ve lost the gist of the argument.

These cards from Set Aditions made me smile today, for those moments when you need to (literally) just put your cards on the table and walk away.

What would your card say? Mine would probably communicate the words that have been coming out of my mouth constantly at the moment : “Dont talk about it, do it”

The massive ‘congratulations’ printed at the top of the page struck me as a bit dodgy, like i’d ALREADY won my dream ’round the world’ trip and all i had to do was sell the soul of my eldest to cash it in and be on my way to exotic locations. But no, it’s legit. From the NSW Lotteries.

I rang the Hubby, excited, 6,605 smackeroos written on an ugly yellow cheque in my flappy hands, talking a million miles an hour about finally getting renovations done, sending the kids to military school, swanning about on my new lounge devouring bulk packs of bonbons. Then began the “but we never win anything” tirade folloowed by the “well its about time our ship came in”! Lots of congratulatory compliments about how clever we were for registering with lotto in the first place, how intelligent we were for actually being able to fill out those mind boggling forms and circle our favourite numbers.

Hubby: “Cant wait to see the cheque”

Me: “Yeah its in my hand right now” *looks adoringly at the cheque, cheshire smile suddenly drops*

“oh wait … shit! Theres a decimal where it shouldn’t be…”

Hubby: “What?”

Me: “…Noooooo. Oh surely not… ”

Hubby: “Whats happening woman- speak!”

Me: “….ummm, im oficially an idiot”

Hubby: “SPEAK. DETAILS!”

Me: *small sheepish voice* “Its actually $66.05, not six thousand six hunderd and five dollars”

Hubby: *deflated* “oh for crying out……” (the rest was just swearing!)

OK now in my defense, print out this pic:

Now hold it in your hand and flap it about while looking at the numbers and jumping… see! Not my fault, that decimal point needs to be much bigger. Who freakin’ designed this?!

*yes, they are my scribbles of rage on the page and no, i am not ungrateful to NSW lotteries for paying for Hubby’s lunch for the next week

Hubby sat me down to watch Twilight a few weeks ago (was i the only one laughing hysterically at the ‘running up the tree’ scene) and after it ended i just gawked at him.

I DO NOT like chick-flicks, least of all teen based chick-flicks. I like Chick-lit even less.

Then he further horrifies me and says “the books are better”*. This was based on a book?! And is more than one of them?! A bestseller, seriously?!

Now, everywhere i go where there is a gathering of women, I keep hearing them swoon over that pasty ‘Edward’ and the scowly faced awkward girl. The movie was awful- 2 hours of my ‘me time’ gone!! And if i hear one more person say “but the books are better” i will club them. With the damn book!

OK rage aside, I have resisted reading the book because of the lame movie & out of fear of becoming one of the other sheep running off the cliff face, but im also mildly curious. Can you give me one good reason why i should read it? (hint: dont go down the ‘love story’ road, thats whats making me so anti)

Nisha x

*Yes, he has read all the books. He is a big Anne Rice fan and claimed to pick the book up in hope that it would follow in the same vein. Then apparently he got sucked into the story and HAD to read all 4 books!  But im not supposed to discuss that because it may compromise his masculinity! Should i tell him theres a draft of book 5 online?

**and if you dont know where the ‘grr argh’ comes from… im silently shaking my head at you.